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7 Lame Get Rich Quick Ideas that Might Actually Work



twilight

Mirror-balled in sunlight, old, classically handsome, faggy vampires that like hanging out with a whinny pre-pubescent girl who's lips are far to close to her nose...sounds like a ripping read doesn't it?


1) Write a book for Teenage Girls

The key to getting a book published has nothing to do with being a talented writer (although that obviously helps). All you have to do is write a book aimed towards teenage girls. Just write a love story featuring a brooding vampire or an under-aged wizard and you should have a book deal in no time. Little girls will be lining up at Barnes and Noble at midnight to get your book and Warner Brothers will pay you millions of dollars for movie rights.














jillian-michaels

Hot isn't she? She could also bench press the shit out of you whilst scrub washing clothes on her abs.


2) Make a Workout Video

My fiancé bought the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred DVD a few months back. She raved about how great it was and convinced all her friends to buy it. She even convinced me to do it a few times with her. Two weeks later she stopped using it. It is now collecting dust on my TV stand.

The star of “The Biggest Loser” probably made a fortune off this thing. It’s an effective workout video and there are a couple of hotties in sports bras on the DVD, which makes it even more enticing. But it only works if you actually use it—and like most of these workouts videos, people give up on it when they realize they actually have to make an effort to lose weight.

If you need some quick cash, all you need to do is videotape a couple attractive broads doing jumping jacks, make some exaggerated claim like—“Do this video three times a week for 15 minutes and you’re guaranteed to lose up to 20 pounds,”—and fatties across the country will blow their hard-earned money on a future dust-collector.









akon-gwen-stefani

Listen to too many of their songs and there is No Doubt your ears will be Akon.


3) Write a Rap Song and Have Akon Sing the Chorus

Writing a rap song is not very difficult. Anyone can sit down and write down a few phrases that rhyme together (How else do you explain Lil’ Jon?). Now obviously there are some rappers that are very talented and these guys don’t need someone with a good voice singing a catchy hook.

For everyone else, all you need to do is hire Akon to sing on your track. Every thing this guy touches turn to gold. Have you ever heard an Akon song that didn’t turn into a hit? Even the ones I don’t like I find myself singing along to in the car. I had that stupid Gwen Stefani song in my head for like six months straight when it came out. WOOHOOOO! YEEHOOOOOO! Now I probably put the song in your head too. Sorry about that.














cruise scientology

Hello my scientology bretheren do you like this gold medal I won at the douche Olympics?


4) Start a Religion

I know that sounds crazy but it worked for L. Ron Hubbard! All you have to do is make up some crazy beliefs, get a few suckers to pay you exorbitant amounts of money to learn more about your made-up religion and you’re in business! Now if you can convince a few celebrities to join your cause than you’ll really see the cash come in.











Zuckerberg Klebold

Is it just me or does Zuckerberg look like that Columbine gunman....creepy hey?


5) Start a Social Networking Site

Everyone loves social networking sites. Facebook, Twitter, MySpace; Linkedin; they are all gold mines. Now you might say the market is saturated with social networking sites and that you’d never be able to compete with the big boys. Maybe…but people are always looking for new ways to waste time at work. Millions of people waste at least 15 minutes everyday browsing through these sites on their company’s dime. You just have to get a little creative. Chat Roulette and Formspring are two examples of creative social networking sites.





money book

Apparently thinking is all you need to grow rich!


6) Write a Book about How You Got Rich Quick

Need some cash? Just write a book about you how you got rich quick. Make up stories about how you made a fortune in real estate, or the stock market, or how you took advantage of some bogus tax incentive that no knows about. Millions of desperate people across the country will purchase this book. In all likelihood, they won’t even be able to get through the book, let alone actually put the advice into practice. You’ll reap the benefits, while they lose out on $24.95.











fat-man-at-computer

Writing a blog is hard. There's alot of blood, sweat, tears and morbid comfort eating involved.


7) Start a Blog

Actually, this is a terrible idea. If you want to spend countless hours going through WordPress themes and trying to figure out HTML codes, then start a blog. If you want to waste most of your free time writing articles that only your Mother will read, then start a blog. If you want to make 35 cents per month through third-party advertisers, like Google AdSense then go right ahead and start a blog. Otherwise, you’re better off trying your luck with one of these other ideas.







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