The key to getting a book published has nothing to do with being a
talented writer (although that obviously helps). All you have to do is
write a book aimed towards teenage girls. Just write a love story
featuring a brooding vampire or an under-aged wizard and you should
have a book deal in no time. Little girls will be lining up at Barnes
and Noble at midnight to get your book and Warner Brothers will pay you
millions of dollars for movie rights.
My fiancé bought the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred DVD a few months back. She raved about how great it was and convinced all her friends to buy it. She even convinced me to do it a few times with her. Two weeks later she stopped using it. It is now collecting dust on my TV stand.
The star of “The Biggest Loser” probably made a fortune off this thing. It’s an effective workout video and there are a couple of hotties in sports bras on the DVD, which makes it even more enticing. But it only works if you actually use it—and like most of these workouts videos, people give up on it when they realize they actually have to make an effort to lose weight.
If you need some quick cash, all you need to do is videotape a
couple attractive broads doing jumping jacks, make some exaggerated
claim like—“Do this video three times a week for 15 minutes and you’re
guaranteed to lose up to 20 pounds,”—and fatties across the country
will blow their hard-earned money on a future dust-collector.
Writing a rap song is not very difficult. Anyone can sit down and write down a few phrases that rhyme together (How else do you explain Lil’ Jon?). Now obviously there are some rappers that are very talented and these guys don’t need someone with a good voice singing a catchy hook.
For everyone else, all you need to do is hire Akon to sing on your
track. Every thing this guy touches turn to gold. Have you ever heard
an Akon song that didn’t turn into a hit? Even the ones I don’t like I
find myself singing along to in the car. I had that stupid Gwen Stefani
song in my head for like six months straight when it came out.
WOOHOOOO! YEEHOOOOOO! Now I probably put the song in your head too.
Sorry about that.
I know that sounds crazy but it worked for L. Ron Hubbard! All you
have to do is make up some crazy beliefs, get a few suckers to pay you
exorbitant amounts of money to learn more about your made-up religion
and you’re in business! Now if you can convince a few celebrities to
join your cause than you’ll really see the cash come in.
Everyone loves social networking sites. Facebook, Twitter, MySpace;
Linkedin; they are all gold mines. Now you might say the market is
saturated with social networking sites and that you’d never be able to
compete with the big boys. Maybe…but people are always looking for new
ways to waste time at work. Millions of people waste at least 15
minutes everyday browsing through these sites on their company’s dime.
You just have to get a little creative. Chat Roulette and Formspring
are two examples of creative social networking sites.
Need some cash? Just write a book about you how you got rich quick.
Make up stories about how you made a fortune in real estate, or the
stock market, or how you took advantage of some bogus tax incentive
that no knows about. Millions of desperate people across the country
will purchase this book. In all likelihood, they won’t even be able to
get through the book, let alone actually put the advice into practice.
You’ll reap the benefits, while they lose out on $24.95.